Yes, depression. The word nobody wants to talk about. ESPECIALLY if you’re a pastor’s wife.
But y’all… depression is real. It’s very dark.
And it’s not a choice.
I struggle with depression. Deep, menacing depression. The kind that makes me want to crawl back into bed and lay there all day. The kind that makes me not really care about attending my kids’ sporting events or show up at work. The kind that desperately tries to pull me down.
Some days are better. I feel joyful and the darkness isn’t there. Other days I feel it.
There doesn’t even have to be any rhyme or reason to it- though the darkness rears its ugly head more often during trials than other times.
This darkness…. it’s from the devil and he knows he can use it against me. I’ve been studying Prsicilla Shirer’s books FerVent and Armor of God a lot here lately. One thing is clear. The devil is out to get me. He wants nothing more than for me to fail- to lose my witness. To not impact other’s for Christ. He gets me with the darkness, but maybe he gets you with anger or adultery or other forms of temptation. He goes after each person with whatever their weakness is. He wants one thing and it’s for you to crumble. If you’re not saved, then he can keep you from God that way… but if you’re saved, then he can make sure you don’t live your life for God.
Yep, a pastor’s wife should be living her life for God. ALL CHRISTIANS SHOULD BE LIVING THEIR LIFE FOR GOD! But y’all…. there is nobody perfect on this earth. We are ALL going to feel the devil’s darts. It’s what we CHOOSE to do with it that makes the difference.
I CHOOSE to not let the depression control me. I CHOOSE to fight it. Psalms 16:8 says “I know the Lord (Jehovah) is ALWAYS with me. I will not be shaken for he is right beside me.” *emphasis mine* This verse is taped to my desk at work. Even during my dark moments, the Lord is next to me. I have the KNOWLEDGE that this depression is from my ENEMY and NOTHING ELSE. I have equipped myself to fight (Ephesians 6).
If you struggle with depression, don’t let it win. See a doctor. Come up with a plan of attack. Medicine has its place, but so does Scripture and clinging to God. If you don’t struggle with depression, pray for those who do. You may not even realize someone struggles. Depression looks differently on each person. Just because they’re laughing and smiling doesn’t mean all is okay. And most of all, remember that your pastor, his wife, and their kids, are not exempt from things like depression. Pray for them by name- that they will be able to stand strong and withstand the fiery attacks from the devil (Eph. 6:13, 16). Oh! And one more thing…. don’t let the devil use you as one of his fiery arrows.